The Kiss of Betrayal

I have been thinking about how God has been working in all of our lives.  It seems to me that He has been very intentional about healing and reconciling our relationships. And that means all of our relationships, even the ones that seem to be the most irreconcilable.   I thought about many of the people I know and the challenges they face in reconciliation and it seems that the hardest relationships to heal are the ones that were with those that were the closest to us.

 I think that it is hard to forgive those that we love who hurt us badly, whether it was with or without any intention of wrongdoing. There is a kiss of betrayal that goes to the depths of our soul.  It feels like a Judas kiss. That is defined as "an act appearing to be an act of friendship, which is in fact harmful to the recipient." And that is a tough thing to deal with.  We all try so hard to work thru problems in our relationships.  We try to share our feelings, set boundaries and navigate thru the difficult relational stuff.  That makes it harder when in the course of those relational uncharted territories, something is said that wounds or damages us to the core of who are.  I believe that many of those wounds are not premeditated but inflicted because of wounding that the friend or family member has themselves.

I have been in such a season but had something so cool happen to pull me out of this quagmire that I just had to share it!  God had been pulling apart every relationship that I have had, for the last 40plus years!  Like a knotted, tangled skein of yarn He had patiently pulled out and detached every thread, even those that represented loved ones that had passed on!  Kind of crazy to be back in the past and trying to work thru issues decades old, some of them with problems that I did not even know about.  And yes, as you may have guessed, I was not a happy camper about it!!  I was very upset that everything felt as if it was being torn to shreds as it was being pulled apart.  And I confess, I fell into every trap the enemy set to pull my soul into self pity, fear and intimidation.  Anger, bitterness and even unbelief of God’s goodness all held sway in my heart, leaving no room for the grace of God to be loosed into the broken pieces of my heart.  It had been a long process and in truth I am not entirely sure I am done.  What I do know however is that the grace of God has worked mightily in my life this last few months to conclude this part of the process.

This spring I went to our Aglow prayer explosion this spring.  This time, instead of a lot of outward prayer, Holy Spirit went inward into the inner man.  The power of God created an implosion instead of an explosion and none went home the same!  The Lord set up prophetic acts of reconciliation between all the generations.  This was done thru different people, of all ages, standing up and standing in repentance for what their generation had done to one or both of the others. (youth, the parents & the grandparents were all represented)  I will never forget the woman who shared about her sons.  She said she was driving with one of her teens in the backseat, mouthing profanities at her!  Then the Lord showed her the image of the same little boy, as she left his father due to abuse, crying out mommy, don’t leave us, mommy, don’t leave us!!  We all cried as she shared how this had broken her and caused her to seek reconciliation with her sons.  She went to each ones to repent for wounding them, for what damage her actions, even well meaning ones, had caused.  She shared how that same son now wanted to take her to San Francisco and spoil her like crazy for her birthday.  It was and continues to be a miracle of healing.

 Then a grandfather stood up and shared that he felt the Lord would have him stand in the place of all those who had wounded us, primarily women.  As your grandfather, your father, your uncle, your cousin, please forgive me for where I have wounded you.  As your brother, your boss, your co-worker, please forgive me for where I have not supported you or have done you damage.  Please forgive me for where I have not protected you from others.  Please forgive me for abusing or hurting you myself.”

   It was a powerful time that resonated with most of the women and possibly even the many men that were present, I do not know as I was too undone myself.  Many of us cried and broke as this hidden place of betrayal was exposed cleansed and healed by the Master’s touch!  There was a woman that went up to that gentleman and stood in the gap for all the women who had decided that they hated men because of all the betrayal that had come at the hands of men.  She repented of choices of bitterness, unforgiveness and anger directed toward men all her life.   She asked for forgiveness for her acts of anger and deeds toward men.  She also broke agreement with the word curses she had spoken that she would never love or trust men again.  Hearing her words, knowing that many of us identified with her, at least in part, was powerful and liberating.

So, meanwhile, many of us wept and cried and allowed the Lord, for some the first time ever, to touch those deep places of need and despair.  As I was sitting there later, processing,  I felt like the Lord was showing me the funniest mental picture!  He was taking a big chalkboard type of eraser and erasing the pain and even some of the memories of things that had happened to me over the years.  I just started laughing and laughing!  He also showed me that had if the last few years of pulling everything out and dealing with things had not happened, then I would not have been prepared or been able to bear the weight of the things He is now releasing in my life.  I would now be crumbling and shattering into a billion pieces.  For the first time I laughed as He erased out the pain and showed me that the kiss of betrayal at the hands of my Father, and others, were a thing of the past.  I was not a captive to those things anymore.  I had a free choice to be well, free, whole and healthy.

I am very grateful, a little embarrassed over all my complaints to a God who is so much more than I ever knew and overwhelmed by His love and care for me.  The kiss of betrayal may be powerful but the Kiss of the Master is life changing, earth shaking, destiny releasing and shows just how intensely passionate He is for us.